Kyle was born March 13, 2002 and from the moment he was born he filled our lives with such joy and sense of completion. His big sister Katie was so happy to have a little brother, she had been talking about him for months before he was born and as soon as he came home she was his little "Mommy", always worried about him and looking after him.
Katie and Kyle soon became inseperable. They were only 21 months apart and grew into best friends very quickly. Kevin and I felt so incredibly blessed to have these two perfect children; a girl and a boy. Our family was so perfect and complete. So many times I would watch them playing or sleeping and it just wouldn't even seem real, how could we be so blessed and lucky?
Kyle was such an amazing and special little boy. From a very early age he was different than most boys. He never enjoyed play fighting and typical boy things. He had such a compassionate and kind soul. His favorite things were ALWAYS animals. When we took him to the toy store he would immediately pick out a toy animal and be ready to go. His favorite movies and books were also about animals; he loved them all, especially Hippos, Elephants, Crocodiles, Turtles and Sharks.
He was never without a toy animal (or two) in his hand whether we were at home or out somewhere. He had this shirt with a Shark on it and it was his all time favorite shirt. If he was ever giving me a hard time about getting ready to go out somewhere all I had to do was ask him if he wanted to wear his "Shark Shack" shirt and he would jump up so excited and be ready to go. He loved to go to the Zoo and Sea World and I am so happy that we took him so many times to those places.
One thing I can say is that we have no regrets about Kyle's life. Choosing to be a stay at home mom turned out to be the best decision I ever made. I had no idea I would only have 3 years with my son and I thank God every day that he gave me the wisdom to choose to spend every moment with him. I cherished our days together; we would have so much fun going to the playground and meeting friends for playdates, hanging out on the couch reading stories together, sitting on the floor in the playroom playing tea party or having a picnic with Katie, or playing with blocks and animals.
Being home together gave Katie and Kyle the opportunity to really form an incredible bond and friendship and they would have so much fun playing together for hours. Kevin was also fortunate to be in college during Kyle's lifetime because it gave him much more time at home and with us than had he been working full time. So many afternoons we would take to the kids to Gattiland or the park or the children's museum, out on a picnic to feed the ducks, and, of course since he had summers off, we had the most in credible summers with the kids. We basically lived between the Zoo, Six Flags, Sea World and the Musuem every summer; it was so wonderful.
We truly made the most out of the short time we had with Kyle and I will forever be grateful for that. If I had known in advance that we would only have 3 years with our son, I would change absolutely nothing about the way we lived them. I am eternally grateful for that. Kyle was also very talented with building block towers and "cities". He would make the most intricate block cities with roads and houses and bridges. It was obvious that he had gotten his Daddy's mind for engineering and math.
I included a picture in the photo album on his memorial website of one of his block towns that he made for his big sister Katie; he was always so sweet like that. He could also accurately add numbers in his head without ever being taught. He suprised us one night when we were going over some math with Katie and I asked her "what is 2 plus 2?" and Kyle answered "Four!" Both Kevin and I looked at each other with suprise, so we started asking him more questions and he got them all right. He was such a smart little boy and we couldn't wait to see what he would do when he grew up.
Kyle captured such a special place in all our hearts. He was so loving and tender and always had a hug and a kiss and an "I love you" ready. He had SO much love in his hear;, the way he looked at his big sister with so much admiration and love, that huge smile and adorable dimples that just lit up a room - I always said he had the BEST smile. Tthere was so much love and life and warmth in his smile. The way he always wanted to snuggle in my lap and grab ahold of my arm for comfort and that adorable laugh that daddy could get out of him so well - those things are beyond description but will live in my heart forever.
I'll never forget the many nights he'd fall asleep next to me on the couch and Daddy would carry him to bed. After a few minutes, Kevin would call me in there to watch Kyle sleeping and we'd both lay there and stroke his face and kiss him. Never was a boy so loved, so appreciated and treasured. He was Mommy's little teddy bear, Daddy's little wrestle buddy and Katie's best friend. He was our "bubby" and no one will ever fill his special place in our hearts and family.
May 29th 2005 was a Sunday that started out to be what seemed like a wonderful day. My Dad had come up for the weekend to see my play which had wrapped the previous evening in which I had just gotten rave reviews. I had just gotten the lead role in a film that was starting the following month, we had just signed a lease on a house we were going to rent that had a huge yard for the kids to play in and we had just sold our old car that we were afraid would be hard to sell. Everything was going our way! I remember that morning doing dishes and commenting on how great everything was; how the kids were getting older and things were just getting so much easier and more fun and how much we were looking forward to the summer starting. The kids were so excited about going to the pool and doing all the summer things they had been looking forward to all year.
It had finally warmed up that weekend and we decided, since it was a holiday weekend (Memorial Day) and Kevin had Monday off, we would follow my Dad back to San Antonio and take the kids to the lake; what a great kick off to summer! We packed up our bathing suits, life jackets and clothes, hopped into the van and took off. We decided to stop at our new house to show it to my Dad and then stopped again at a gas station right up the street before starting the long drive. I went inside and got the kids drinks and snacks and brought them back out to the van. I opened Kyle's door and stood there for a while getting the granola bars open and handing the kids their drinks.
At that point both the kids had their seatbelts on - I can still picture them so clearly in my mind. I had no idea that would be the last time I would see my son alive. Kevin and I got into the van and we headed off. I got the kids' movie started (Sponge Bob) and they were happily eating their snacks and watching a movie. We were driving on Hw. 47 when we came to a flashing yellow light at the intersection of Villa Maria (cross traffic had a HUGE stop sign and a flashing red light). From the corner of my eye I saw a car approaching the intersection at a high speed, too fast to stop at the red light, but by the time I started to say "watch out", it was too late. We were through the intersection and the car had run the red light and broadsided us going aprox. 45 miles an hour.
It all happened in a split second but I replay it in my mind in slow motion a hundred times a day. Our van was knocked off the road and into a ditch and started rolling several times. When we finally stopped with the van laying driver's down the first thing both Kevin and I did was whip around to look in the backseat and check on the kids. As I was turning around I heard Kevin saying "Are you guys OK"? As I turned around I saw Katie behind Kevin and felt a sigh of relief. If she was ok I knew Kyle was too. I finally turned all the way around to look behind me at Kyle and all that was there was an empty seat.
There are no words to describe the horror and million things that flew threw my mind at that instant. I remember screaming "He's gone! Kyle's gone!" and the next thing I knew Kevin had climbed into the back seat and jumped out through Kyle's broken window. I quickly followed out of my broken window and immediately saw my baby boy laying about 30 feet away on the hill. Thankfully my Dad was there to get Katie and keep her away from what was to come. I raced to Kyle and when I got to him I almost collapsed; he was laying on his back with blood pouring out of his ears and mouth.
I started screaming and crying "NO!" - this just could not be happening, two seconds ago he was fine, eating a granola bar and watching SpongeBob...and now he's dead??!! NO!!!!!!!!!! This cannot happen! It was like waking up into the most horrible nightmare. I held his hand and stroked his face and then a lady ran up and said she knew CPR and started working on him. I know CPR! I couldn't believe I didn't think to try it. I guess I was in too much shock to even think. I also knew from the moment I saw him that he had already gone; I felt it in my heart. After what seemed like an eternity the ambulance finally came and they loaded him into the back, I got in the front and Kevin and Katie rode with my Dad and followed us.
We got to the hospital and they immediately started working on Kyle but took me and Kevin to seperate rooms to get checked out and tried to force us to lay down with neck braces. Both Kevin and I ripped the neck braces off and ran to be with Kyle. They let us stay in the room while they tried to revive him. They worked on him for 30 minutes but could not get a pulse at all. The whole time I just prayed for a miracle, "Please God not my baby boy, PLEASE take me but save him. He is too innocent and has so much future ahead of him." The most dire prayer I have ever prayed went unanswered and I suppose I will never know why, at least not in this lifetime. The doctor looked at me and said, "There is nothing more we can do." It was like someone had thrown me into this alternate reality; hell had to come to me on earth. Kevin and I took turns holding him in our arms and then we laid him down on the bed and laid next to him, kissing him and hugging him for hours.
Finally the hospital told us we had to leave. Up until then it hadn't even occured to me that we would leave him there. How could I just get up and walk away and leave my baby there? I had never even been apart from him for more than a couple hours in his entire life and now I'm supposed to walk away and leave him knowing I won't ever see him again. That was one of the hardest moments of my life. I felt like I was accepting it, giving up and abandoning my son. I had to remind myself that I was only leaving his body and that his soul was not in his body anymore. Kyle, and everything that made him Kyle, was still with us. That was the only hope I could cling to to give me the strength to tell my baby goodbye and walk away.
We held Kyle's funeral at Oak Hills Church on June 2nd, and although we were still in shock and incredible pain, I can say that it was a beautiful service in rememberance of him and his life; something I hope Kyle was looking down on and enjoyed. We dressed him in his favorite PJ's and surrounded him with his favorite toys (all animals of course) and the pastor read letters Kevin and I had written to him. Kevin and I said our last goodbyes to our sweet little boy's body, gave him our last hugs and kisses, told him that we loved him and would miss him but we wanted him to be happy so "to go play with all the animals and children in heaven" and closed the casket knowing it was the last time we would see our sweet son's face. Another one of the hardest moments in my life.
Immediately following the funeral we had a short graveside service at the cemetary and then had a balloon release. We released 100 white balloons and 3 blue balloons (1 for each year of Kyle's life). Kevin, Katie and I released the blue ones. It was so amazing because all of the balloons were released together by different people but the white ones all stayed together and drifted off to the right but the blue ones all drifted together to the left. Lastly we let Katie release a big turtle balloon that I know Kyle would love and it followed and caught up with the blue ballloons and they all drifted up to Kyle together. It was such a profound moment and I really felt like it was Kyle's way of saying that he loved us and that we are always together.
Kyle was an angel on earth; the most perfect, sweetest, kindest little boy I have ever known, and now he is an angel in heaven. Our lives will never be the same without him, but we are trying to find a way to get through the horrible pain of missing him and live our lives in his honor. We are proud to say he is and will always be our son. We were blessed with 3 wonderful years with him and greatly look forward to the day when we can finally be together forever.
Thank you so much for stopping in and sharing your thoughts and prayers, and thank you all so much for your candles and tributes and his memorial website; it means the world to us. Please continue to light candles in honor of our sweet angel Kyle. I know he gets our love and messages. He was such an incredible blessing to us and to the world, and is now a blessing to Heaven above as an angel.
We have since found through an expert that examined the seatbelt, van and carseat that Kyle's seatbelt was ON and latched when we were hit but came off sometime during the rollover. Both Kyle and his booster seat were thrown from the vehicle. Seatbelts do NOT always work, especially in roll overs, so please keep your children in a 5-point harness secured and tethered to the car for as LONG as possible. We have found seats that have 5-point harnesses to 80lbs - the Britax Regent and the Sunshine Kids Radian80 They both can use the Lower Anchors and Tethers for Children system to 48lbs and can be secured using the seatbelt and top tether thereafter till 80lbs. It is WORTH the investment. It is your child's life you are risking every time you put them in the car. Another crucial thing to have is side curtain airbags in the front and back seats in your vehicle - it is only an OPTION in most vehicles that you have to request.
Driving is by far the most dangerous situation you will ever put your child in and no matter how safe YOU are, you never know when someone will run a red light and leave you no time to react. In that moment the investments you made and the thought you put into your child's safety are the only thing that will save him/her. Booster seats are NOT safe, seatbelts FAIL. A 5-point harness tethered and anchored to the car and side curtain airbags would have saved our son's life. If we would have known about them, we would have had them. All the 5-point harness carseats sold in regular stores at the time only go went to 40 pounds (Kyle was over 40 pounds so we thought he had to move into a booster). We did not know you could order a 5-point harness seat for larger children.
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